Things I Learned from 12-31-07 and the first 5 hours of 2008 (reverse order):
- Even if you hate Apple Earbuds, like I do, you might want to pack them and your iPod in your jacket for the suppression of the less than likable fellow train-riders at 4:30am.
- If you’re waiting for food really late at night, and you’re some yuppie complaining about how much it all costs and how long it takes when you can CLEARLY afford to pay for it, you have lost your civil liberties and should shutthefuckup. Also, this should be common sense, but of all things, don’t start mocking the Latino cooking staff by calling them by names that obviously aren’t theirs, like Speedy Gonzalez or Rico. Nice quiet guys like me will get our food before you, and walk away laughing our asses off.
- Help people find cabs. Know the best intersections. Trust the people you’re handing drunk revelers off to. It will help the next steps of your night go easier.
- Screaming is necessary for two things: Cell Phone calls on the street, and getting stragglers to get the eff over to the cab you found. Just do the shouting a safe distance from the parties or persons you may or may not want to disparage over the phone.
- Carry two kinds of liquor on you, but don’t start the second until the first is gone. Jameson (flask sized bottle) and Korbel (bottle) were the draft picks last night. Take them slow, and you’ll be happy all night but never rowdy. Unless you want to be rowdy.
- Help your friends get alone time with their ladies or gents, move groups of people away at key moments. Keep the wrong people away for as much as you can, etc. This is one of the best things you as a person can do on NYE.
- Speaking of Rowdy… when your friend wants to go up on the roof, but you get stopped en route, twice, realize that your friend is going to want to start a fight. Talk him out of it by any means necessary, including not letting him convince you to throw a punch. The party is probably in too small of an apartment to have a fight with someone getting a drink spilled on them or their brand new shirt or top to be ripped. It will devolve into chaos and that means no more 90/10 alcohol/mixer drinks from their stash. Use that last bit as argument. No fights were gotten into while I was around last night, but I saw what would have happened.
- Once the ball drops, if you’re not at the second party of the night, you have a half an hour to get all like a green and white kick ball and bounce. The holiday is about running around. Getting into adventures. Maaaaybe getting into a fight as long as the other person isn’t the kind to call 5-0. But one party or one bar is not enough. On AlcoHoliday, we are not meant to be sedentary creatures.
- The LED read-out signs on the L train line are lying to you. Especially if they say 25 minutes. Last 5 times I’ve had this, it’s been no more than 8 minutes. Fuck The MTA.
- Do not let a restaurant make you wait over an hour for your food. Las Palmas on Borinquen & Hooper (nr. Grand) in Williamsburg is a shitty fucking restaurant. The food, when it got there was decent, some said good, even, but the service was unforgivable. Fuck them.
- When people are making you so pissed and uncomfortable, it’s okay to take the time to go outside and smoke the first cigarettes you’ve ever smoked. It’s okay to do this up to three times. Walk your even more amped friends around a little. Make jokes. Try and see the humor you don’t want to admit is there.
- Don’t let other restaurants string your hopes along by letting some gigantic group of people take 45 minutes to make their orders. Leave when someone from your party, without the group’s blessing, goes inside to argue with the restaurant.
- And finally: … Start. Pregaming. Early. In small moderate doses. You’ll be setting up a nice equilibrium not to be offset in any way. I didn’t believe it myself but that method kept me up from early NYE morning, until around 6 or 7 in the morning on New Year’s Day.